Tuesday, October 10, 2017

The Goal In Your Divorce

Most people think the end goal in a divorce is to end a marriage. 

Although ending the marriage is one aspect of divorce, ending a marriage comes with side effects such as the impact on your financial status, current and future relationships, not to mention the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual impact that can stay with us for months or years to come.

With that in mind, the true end goal of a divorce should be to end the marriage and be able to let go of negative emotional thoughts, feelings and beliefs that can sabotage your future.

Easier said than done.

Divorce can leave a woman with an overload of emotions that leave us feeling relieved, guilty, remorseful, stressed, happy, confused, abandoned, alienated, judged, and questioning our future.  Whether you were for the divorce or against it, whether you initiated the divorce or your spouse did, whether you have a strong support team or are all alone, the emotional roller coaster can seem never ending.

How then do we get off the emotional roller coaster and arrive at a point where we are able to let go of the negative beliefs that have plagued us through all 3 stages of our divorce?
We might find ourselves thinking, “I just want my life to go back to normal” but what is normal?  Is it the way life was between the wedding and the divorce?  If that’s normal, you would have stayed married.

Keeping this in mind, we can delve down farther into our minds to understand what it is that we truly want for our future self.  The problem with this is not many women really know what they want, because they are used to thinking about what they don’t want.  It’s a known fact that, “what we think about, we bring about,” so if we move into our future with thoughts of what we don’t want, we are sure to create more of what we don’t want.

Keep in mind, if our end goal in a divorce is to exit the marriage without the negative emotional side effects, it becomes imperative for a woman to get to a point where she can remember the past without having the memory reduce her to a puddle of tears and doubts.

This is possible; I know this because I once I realized I had reached that goal in my life, the tears, self-doubt and questions such as,” Who am I” and “where should I go from here” subsided until they no longer existed.

This happened when I learned the role of ego in my divorce! Once you learn that Ego is not your Amigo, and the real role ego plays in your life, you begin to discover the self-limiting beliefs that have held you back and the beliefs that cause you to hold on to feelings of guilt, remorse, stress, confusion, abandonment, being alienated, judged, and questioning your future and then, THEN, you have reached the goal in your divorce!

Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei

Friday, September 22, 2017

The Journey Through Divorce

Divorce may be a common choice but the journey is unique to every woman.  When a woman is walking her journey through divorce, there can be days when she feels like she’s walking through a fog so thick, she can't tell up from down or left from right.

When we are uncertain about which direction to move, we often find ourselves clinging to the past because it’s what we know.  Familiar surroundings, people, places and events are something we try to cling to during divorce because staying with what we know seems less fearful than journeying into the unknown.  Divorce is an ending that creates a new beginning and with every new beginning; we must let go of the past to make room for what is to come.

Letting go is an important part of the divorce process but the length of time it takes you to let go of feelings, emotions, drama, grief, loss, uncertainty and who you believed you were before your divorce is a choice only you can make.
When we are faced with an obstacle or challenge in our life, these 3 questions can help us determine our next step:
#1:  What Belief/Feeling can I let go of at this very minute?
#2:  What Belief/Feeling will I let go of at this very minute?
#3:  What Belief/Feeling do I need to hold onto for a while longer?
Everything we experience in our life is meant to teach us something.  When you believe things happen "TO" you rather than "FOR" you, you live your life in Victim Mode.  When you learn how to let go of victim mode you then create a new belief around the possibility of living every moment in our life in a way that matters most to you.

Although this is a journey no other person can walk for you, there will be many people who will have their own thoughts, opinions and beliefs about what you should or shouldn’t do during your 3 Stages of Divorce.

The 3 Stages of Divorce are:
1.    Thinking About It
2.    Going Through It
3.    Putting It Behind You

The journey through divorce is often a lonely path and along the way people will always have an opinion or “well-meaning advice” that is of little or no help because they often don’t realize they are advising you based on how they need you to show up in their life.

You have a right to go through this journey in a way that empowers you, you don’t owe your time or explanations to anyone.   People come into our lives because they have something to share or teach us.  When the lesson is over, some people will drift out of our lives.  When you give yourself permission to let go of the person you have shared your life with up to this point, and make room for the people, places and events that your new beginning is creating for you, you begin to experience the power you possess on your journey through divorce.

This journey is unique to you, you have a choice to look for the negative or look for the positive; choose the one that gives you the opportunity to grow to your full potential!

Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei