Friday, December 15, 2017

LIFE WITH MOM Technoloty


I’m a genius!

That’s what my mom and her husband tell me every day!

Since my arrival, I’ve updated their WiFi and cable boxes.  I showed my mom how to download the app to her phone for her cable company which allows us to troubleshoot her cable through her phone.  Does this make me a genius?  It certainly does to someone who lacks the technology skills!

My mom’s husband Vern is scheduled to have surgery to receive a pacemaker.  The doctor’s office sent a heart monitor for him to wear to monitor his heart 24 hours a day.  The monitor arrived in the mail and all you need is a little technology know how to get started; an easy task if you understand how to connect the device to the Bluetooth sensor.

I found myself doing something I never would have thought I would do; attaching a heart monitor to the someone’s chest!  Since my medical know how stops at CPR training I found myself in unfamiliar territory, but I managed to get it all hooked up only to discover they had sent two identical charging cords instead of two separate cords for the monitor and the sensor.

Once again, my mom and Vern called me a genius for knowing how to figure it out.

When you think about the word “genius” it’s all relevant.  How does one get to be a genius?  By not being afraid to try new things and being able to step outside of the box when you want to learn something new or create new opportunities.

Watch a 3-year old with an iPad and they will boggle your mind at what they can achieve because they have no fear of “doing it wrong.”  They just keep pushing buttons and clicking different areas until they get the desired results.

As adults, our beliefs about what we “can’t do” often hold us back from showing the world the genius gene we possess!  But when it comes to generations, how often do we find ourselves getting impatient with someone who believes they lack the knowledge or the understanding to learn new things?

When my mom chooses to lower her vibrational energy by convincing herself that she lacks the knowledge or the understanding to learn something new I find myself faced with two choices: either I can do it for her or show her how to do it.

Most of the time my mom is a willing student and is very eager to learn and celebrate at her own level of genius!  When she forgets what I taught her (or convinces herself that she doesn’t remember) it gives us the opportunity to have new conversations with new questions, so she can understand how she allows her own limiting beliefs to hold her back.

Life is all about choices.  We can choose to believe that we lack the genius that we see in others or we can choose to step up to our own brand of genius.  When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.  What comes easily to some can be a struggle for others; patience, a kind word and a willingness to share our knowledge can go a long way.

Relationships are all about strength yielding to strength; where one is weak, the other is strong and together they compliment each other!  

If you find yourself in need of bridging the mother/daughter gap, it’s important that you understand how your own limiting beliefs can make this gap wider until you are ready to master your own beliefs around what you believe your relationship is all about! 

Nancy Mueller ~ Life Empowerment Sensei



Wednesday, December 13, 2017

LIFE WITH MOM Family



June 3, 2016; the date my brother had a motorcycle accident that resulted in Traumatic Brain Injury and another reason for my decision to move to Ohio. 

Since my arrival two weeks ago, I have been in the emergency room with my sister-in-law three times to visit my brother.  Unfortunately, there is not much information about Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and now that my brother is physically fine, there is still the question on every one of our minds, “What happens next?  Will he ever come home?  What is to become of our brother, father, husband, son, grandfather?

It was becoming more and more clear to me that the help I could offer was very limited from my home in California, so the Universe has guided me to be with my family.  My brother is an Army Veteran; who is also a 100% disabled Veteran.  I am learning a lot about how the VA takes care of their Vets and the red tape is staggering.

People keep asking us, “why does your brother keep ending up in the emergency room?”  My answer, “because he is well enough to want to explore his world without the knowledge of how to do that.  When children explore their world, they have parents who are there to love them, guide them and keep them safe.  But an adult who is trying to understand what is happening in his world can get just as frustrated as a 3-year old trying to figure out a new toy, except in my brother’s case, he can’t be redirected when he gets frustrated.  Have you ever tried to redirect an adult who doesn’t want to be redirected?  They get annoyed, then they get angry, then they try to get what they want through physical force.  We are now at the point of trying to understand how to help my brother, Michael, explore his world while keeping him and those around him safe from harm.”

The doctors are attempting to do this with drugs.  In my opinion, medicine can be helpful when used correctly but when it’s used to keep a person in a docile state, the results are heartbreaking.  At least, that’s what it felt like today when we visited Michael.  When we walked into his room, he was on the floor, on his knees, bent over his bed, with his head on the bed.  He didn’t even look up at us.  Last week, when we saw him in the emergency room, we were laughing, telling jokes, watching Michael eat his dinner, then eat my dinner, then eat his wife’s dinner.  Today, we couldn’t get Michael to feed himself, but he accepted my help to feed him his lunch.

Is it selfish to say, “I want my brother back?”

Is it selfish to say, “I want the doctors to stop doping my brother into a docile state?”

Is it selfish to say, “I want the VA to step up to the plate and treat the person instead of the symptoms?”

If it’s selfish to want all of this, them I am very selfish.

I believe everything happens for a purpose, and I believe that one day we will know the purpose of this position every member of our family is dealing with as a group as well as individually.

I believe; I believe with all my heart, but today my heart is breaking.

#TraumaticBrainInjury  

Nancy Mueller ~ Life Empowerment Sensei


Tuesday, December 12, 2017

LIFE WITH MOM: The Problem


I watch her as she continuously checks her surroundings to make sure she maintains her balance; my mother walks with a cane, thus she walks very slowly.  I am a very patient person, and I have found ways to help (i.e. getting a shopping cart for her to lean on) but my 7th day in town, I found myself feeling very impatient with the amount of time it was taking for her to walk from the car to the store.
I noticed my feelings of impatience, I asked myself why this was a problem.  Why now?  Why after 7 days of experiencing how slow she walks was I feeling impatient at this time?  As I rushed to get a shopping cart for her to lean on (in the hopes of speeding up her walk from the car to the store), I continued to check in with myself as to why I was feeling annoyed.  I felt a huge urge to go into the store and wait for her from inside the store instead of walking next to her. 
I resisted the urge to wait for her from inside the store, but I could feel my impatience mounting!
When I arrived in Ohio, the weather was unusually warm for December in Ohio.   I enjoyed the fall like weather that hovered around 60 degrees and dipped into the low 50’s at night.  But on this day, 7 days after my arrival, winter was truly upon us and my California jacket was no match for the cold Ohio temperatures; it was time to buy myself a winter coat.
I chose a stylish TAHARI black, down filled coat that went past my knees. Add to that some warm gloves and a fluffy scarf (both purple of course!!!) and I was ready for the cold weather that had suddenly found its way to Canton, Ohio!
As we stepped up to pay for our purchases, the clerk seemed rather confused when I asked her to cut the tags off my items, so I could wear them out of the store.  She looked around as if to say, “where is the coat you walked in with?”  I smiled at her and said, “I just moved here from California and my jacket is no match for the weather.” 
As we walked outside, my mother walking slowly and me all bundled up in my winter wear, I felt toasty warm and comfortable.  It took me a moment to realize that I was no longer impatient with how slow my mom was walking!  That’s when I understood the basis for my impatience.  It wasn’t that I was impatient with my how slow my mom was walking, it was the fact that I was cold and uncomfortable.
How many times have you felt frustrated, angry, impatient or resentful? The problem is never the problem.  Whenever we think a problem exists, it’s usually the end result of several things we chose to previously ignore.  Had I purchased a coat when I first arrived, I would have been prepared for the cold weather.
Whenever we feel the urge to take out our frustrations on another person, we are giving in to negative energy.  How we view our circumstances is a choice; we always have the power to change what we believe is a negative experience into a positive experience; simply by taking 100% responsibility for every thought, action or situation we create.
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Empowerment Sensei



Monday, December 11, 2017

LIFE WITH MOM The Move

Life With Mom; The Move

The last time I googled Mother/Daughter relationships there were 2,840,000 results; that’s a LOT of women looking for answers!

Whether you love spending time with your mom or do everything in your power to stay away from your mom, mother/daughter relationships create both positive and negative energy. 
Among the many things that can make unfulfilling mother/daughter relationships are drama, resentment, abuse, abandonment, trauma, neglect, feeling trapped, anger…

Unfulfilling relationships with your mother can be the cause of low self-esteem, low self-worth, low self-confidence, low self-image and a lack of self-love. 

I know this to be true because most of my childhood was spent attempting to avoid my mother and most of my adult life was spent trying to understand her parenting choices while working to get past the mental, emotional and physical abuse that escalated to sexual abuse by the age of 12. 

I never went so far as to stop speaking to her but the fact that she lived in Ohio and I live in California made it easy to avoid my mother until I had a life changing event that brought her back into my life!

But this isn’t about how my mom and I healed our relationship, this is about my choice to move from sunny southern California to Ohio and “Life With Mom”!  My mom and I talk on the phone at least once a day and it was becoming more and more apparent to me that my mom and her husband could use my help.  We talked about them moving to   California but they have a home, friends, commitments, and roots in Ohio.

I work from home and work with clients via the internet, but how could I leave my life in California?  That was the million-dollar question on my mind; I did a lot of meditating and asked the Universe to give me a sign, so I’d know what to do.  I got my first sign, and immediately asked for another sign (after all, this was a BIG decision!).  The Universe answered my request with another sign that Ohio was in my future, so I stopped resisting and prepared for the move.
When you are in true alignment with the Universe, everything seems effortless.  I left the sunny beaches of California and have already experienced my first light snowfall.  Now that the move is over, I am settling into “Life With Mom”.  This is our opportunity to pick up where we left off when I published my book about mother daughter relationships.

“Life With Mom” includes doctor appointments, health issues, home maintenance, dietary needs, errands, and the joy of learning who we are as individuals and who we are as mother and daughter all these many years later, now that we’ve learned how to heal the child within!
If you want to read more about how I was able to heal my inner child and why my mom asked me to teach her how she could do the same, CLICK HERE or visit amazon.com and look for HEALING THE CHILD WITHIN Life Is All About Choices.

Once a woman understands she holds the power to create fulfilling relationships, rather than believing she must endure the toxic relationships that have been a part of her life, it becomes clear that her failed relationship was simply an illusion!

Nancy Mueller ~ Life Empowerment Sensei





Thursday, October 26, 2017

Finding Your Own Inner Strength

When I was 12, our family lived with my widowed grandmother.  One summer day, while my mother and my grandmother were away at work my father sent my sister and brothers outside to play.  They were given strict instructions not to come back in the house until he gave them permission.  While they went out to play, I stayed in the house to finish my chores and my father told me he was going to go take a bath.

A little while later, my father called out to me and told he wanted to see me.  I walked into the bedroom and found him sitting naked, on the bed.  He told me to sit on the bed beside him.  As he started talking to me, his breathing changed, and then he pushed me back on the bed and took my clothes off me.

His breathing was heavy, and he told me that he needed to teach me something very important.  He told me that if any boy or man tried to touch me the way he was touching me that it was wrong and that I should not allow it.

The events that took place after he removed my clothes will be forever seared into my memory; from the beginning of the attack until he was through.  When it was over, he told me to clean the bedspread to get rid of any evidence of what had taken place.  Getting rid of the evidence didn’t mean it was over; there was still the memory for me to deal with.

Afterward, I was so confused, scared, repulsed, and afraid.  He kept telling me over and over that I could never tell anyone what had happened.  He told me if I ever told anyone, he would get into a lot of trouble.  I could sense that his fear of getting into trouble made him angry and his anger was something I wanted to avoid at all cost. 

I soon realized that there was no help for what had just happened, but my bigger concern was finding a way to keep it from happening again.

Finding a way to keep it from happening again was exhausting; living day to day trying to out think every possible scenario where I might find myself in the same situation and trying to stay out of his reach, constantly weighed heavily in every decision I made.

There were others; the college boy who asked to take me ice skating, the father of the children where I babysat, the teacher at school, the man at the public swimming pool, the boss at work.  I questioned my worth and wondered why these men kept showing up in my life.  Was I putting out some sort of signal that attracted these events in my life?  I kept asking, “where was God in all of this,” because he certainly didn’t seem to hear me when I cried for help.
I was wrong.  God was there every step of the way.  God was waiting for me to find my voice.  I found it when I was 18 years old.

I was tired of carrying the shame, guilt and humiliation of my father’s secret and one day I had had enough; it was time to speak my truth.  To my surprise, every single fear I had carried with me since that summer day when I was 12 years old did not come true.  The world did not open up and swallow me, God did not strike me dead and my father had no power over me.

I soon realized that finding my voice was not enough.  Sharing what I had been through was not enough.  While talking about it brought it out into the open, the memories were full of thoughts, feelings and emotions that ego uses to keep us trapped in the belief of our low self-worth.  It was like drowning in a soup full of thoughts, feelings and emotions where sometimes you find a way to keep your head above the soup but too often you keep getting pulled under.  I wanted out of the soup.

I also realized that there were too many times when I did not see the value in who I was because I allowed the experiences in my life to measure my value and my self-worth.  This led me to discover the “inner me.” The “inner me” was sabotaging my belief about how I should show up in the world.  As I continued to understand the value of “me” I stopped believing what others told me would happen if I use my voice, and started trusting my intuition. 

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.  ~ Carl Jung

There is one thing that I am absolutely sure of, every person has value and it’s your belief in your value that arrives just a few seconds before you speak, who you see in your mirror and how you present yourself to the world.

Your value exists inside the love you have for yourself. 

You have the inner strength you need to choose self-love over self-doubt.  I know this because I’ve done it and I continue to do this.  If you’re having challenges choosing self-love over self-doubt I’d be honored to share my strength with you while you are finding your way out of the soup.

Nancy Mueller ~ Life Empowerment Sensei  



Tuesday, October 24, 2017

What Is Wrong With Your Life



The only reason a woman would want to live the life of another woman is because she believes there is something wrong with her own life.

The question then becomes, what do you believe is wrong with your life?

Actually, there’s nothing wrong with your life; but if you don’t believe that then please allow me the opportunity to persuade you otherwise…

The mother was elated; she had waited for the birth of her first child with an eager anticipation of sharing all the love she had to give to this tiny bundle of joy.

Her child was born into this world; it was a girl.  The mother’s eager anticipation was short lived when she discovered yet another mean streak in her husband; as he forbade her to hold their baby girl except to feed, bathe and diaper her. The mother’s eager anticipation soon turned to bitter disappointment; within a month she discovered she was pregnant once again.  This time there was no eager anticipation for the child within.  Five children in five years and her first child, the daughter whose birth only five years earlier had been eagerly anticipated, never experienced the childhood her mother had once dreamed for her.

The years progressed, and the girl’s home life became a place of insecurity and fear, resulting in emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse that escalated to sexual abuse by the age of 12.  The girl cried for help that never came, and she often wished she could live anyone else’s life but her own. 

The girl was lost, lonely, afraid and distrustful; in her world she knew only fear and self-loathing.  The answer came at age 17, she married and vowed she would create a different life for herself and raise a family with love and security.  The girl was now a woman, a wife and a mother.  The girl who was now a wife and mother showered love on her daughters; encouraging them seek a better way, a gentler way of life and an opportunity to see their world from a life lived from love and laughter.

All too soon the daughters grew up and started their own lives, but the girl who was now a wife suffered yet another blow; divorce.  Everything was turning out all wrong; how could her life have gone so wrong?  She would have given anything not to be living this nightmare; she would have given anything to be living someone else’s life at that time.

Soon, out of grief came knowledge, out of despair came hope and from that hope a whole new world opened up to her.  Oh, how could she have ever known that this new beginning she had created was the start of something wonderful and life fulfilling!  Out of her experiences she had learned; from her darkest moments in childhood to the shattered dreams of her marriage, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes she began to understand that everything happens in life for a purpose.

Now she knows life is always meant to be lived beyond her expectations because too often she had expected so little, that the life of another appeared grander than her own.

The girl who is now a woman understands the only life she’s meant to live is the life she is living.  How else would she now be able to teach women that it’s not what happens to you that matters, it’s what you do with what happens to you.

The truth is, we have no idea how perfect our life really is until we are able to see the possibilities that remained hidden from us while we longed to live the life of another!

Nancy Mueller ~ Life Empowerment Sensei



Tuesday, October 10, 2017

The Goal In Your Divorce

Most people think the end goal in a divorce is to end a marriage. 

Although ending the marriage is one aspect of divorce, ending a marriage comes with side effects such as the impact on your financial status, current and future relationships, not to mention the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual impact that can stay with us for months or years to come.

With that in mind, the true end goal of a divorce should be to end the marriage and be able to let go of negative emotional thoughts, feelings and beliefs that can sabotage your future.

Easier said than done.

Divorce can leave a woman with an overload of emotions that leave us feeling relieved, guilty, remorseful, stressed, happy, confused, abandoned, alienated, judged, and questioning our future.  Whether you were for the divorce or against it, whether you initiated the divorce or your spouse did, whether you have a strong support team or are all alone, the emotional roller coaster can seem never ending.

How then do we get off the emotional roller coaster and arrive at a point where we are able to let go of the negative beliefs that have plagued us through all 3 stages of our divorce?
We might find ourselves thinking, “I just want my life to go back to normal” but what is normal?  Is it the way life was between the wedding and the divorce?  If that’s normal, you would have stayed married.

Keeping this in mind, we can delve down farther into our minds to understand what it is that we truly want for our future self.  The problem with this is not many women really know what they want, because they are used to thinking about what they don’t want.  It’s a known fact that, “what we think about, we bring about,” so if we move into our future with thoughts of what we don’t want, we are sure to create more of what we don’t want.

Keep in mind, if our end goal in a divorce is to exit the marriage without the negative emotional side effects, it becomes imperative for a woman to get to a point where she can remember the past without having the memory reduce her to a puddle of tears and doubts.

This is possible; I know this because I once I realized I had reached that goal in my life, the tears, self-doubt and questions such as,” Who am I” and “where should I go from here” subsided until they no longer existed.

This happened when I learned the role of ego in my divorce! Once you learn that Ego is not your Amigo, and the real role ego plays in your life, you begin to discover the self-limiting beliefs that have held you back and the beliefs that cause you to hold on to feelings of guilt, remorse, stress, confusion, abandonment, being alienated, judged, and questioning your future and then, THEN, you have reached the goal in your divorce!


Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei